Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
