whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
