there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
