my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
