Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
