I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
