I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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