Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
