Im at strip club and am horny
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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