He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
