Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
