hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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