Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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