and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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