I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
