he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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