i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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