She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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