Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
