I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
