If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
