Swine flu. Run for my life!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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