i already hear my dad disowning me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
