I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
