Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
