If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
