remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize