and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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