and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
