you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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