It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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