so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
