im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
