So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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