note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
