so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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