I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
