I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
