Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
