i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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