It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
