Need sex. Gaining weight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
