Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
