sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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