Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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