Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
