Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
