She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
