I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
