That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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