I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
