At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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