if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
