Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
