Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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