Duck Duck Cougar?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
