The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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