Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
