he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she told me i tasted like america
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
