worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
