and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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