Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
