I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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