Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
