Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I stole a fireplace last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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