I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
