I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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