This is not my ceiling
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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