I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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