Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am one with the molecules
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
