winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
