I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
