awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
