Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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