I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
