Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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