I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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