My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
